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The Garter: Infamous ‘Cancer Killer’ strikes again

Another innocent life was claimed last night when Petunia Meyers, 83, was killed in hospital. Police attribute the death to the now-infamous Cancer Killer, who left his signature calling card – cancer – in her body. “She was such a kind soul. We never thought this would happen to her,” said her oncologist Dr. Norton.…

The Cancer Killer's motives remain unclear. The Cancer Killer's motives remain unclear.

Another innocent life was claimed last night when Petunia Meyers, 83, was killed in hospital. Police attribute the death to the now-infamous Cancer Killer, who left his signature calling card – cancer – in her body.

“She was such a kind soul. We never thought this would happen to her,” said her oncologist Dr. Norton.

Mrs. Meyers died surrounded by friends and family, all of whom are now suspects.

“There was no sign of a struggle, so we suspect either she knew her killer or he was a medical professional,” said Sergeant Brunswick in a statement today. “We now have three main suspects – Dr. Norton, Nurse Jones, or cancer.”

With the Cancer Killer now approaching his six thousandth kill this month, the government is doubling security on all hospitals in the state.

“He snuck into Mrs. Meyers’ room, and in front of over ten people, killed her and left as a calling-card the very cancer she was being treated for,” said Sergeant Brunswick. “Clearly we’re dealing with a killer whose sense of irony is matched only by his sadism.”

The Cancer Killer’s motives remain unclear.
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