Today, opposition Leader Tony Abbott has become the latest victim of dog whistle politics after he was brutally mauled in a dog attack. A spokesman for Abbott claims that a mob of dogs set upon the politician as he left a press conference yesterday. “They were mostly minature poodles, shitzus and pugs, but they were rabid and very vicious,” the spokesman said. “Obviously they had just had enough of the whistling.”
The incident is just the latest in a string of dog-related political mishaps. Earlier this week, Wyatt Roy, Federal Member for Longman and recent foetus, sparked national outrage after indecently exposing himself in public. Roy was spotted wearing a short skirt and no panties and, when questioned by police, claimed that he had been conforming to the Liberal party line. “The big kids kept talking about wolf-whistle politics, so I thought I would join in,” said Roy, on the verge of tears. “I want my mummy!”
Senator Cory Bernardi also drew unwanted attention this week, after he was caught trying to smuggle a carton of Durex personal lubricant inside an Adelaide branch of the RSPCA. In a statement, Bernardi claimed he had been confused by what “dog whistle” politics entailed. “I will be withdrawing back into the closet to take some time out from politics and reflect upon my actions,” he said.