News in Revue

Caitlin Still is in tune with the news

 Commies in Canberra

The Reds are under the beds again,
And Julia’s hair is aflame,
How will Gina R be
The new Media Queen
In the face of our national
Bespectacled shame?

She’s out to destroy
Our media monarchy,
With old Steven Conroy
To spearhead the team,
But on the question of bias,
It’s Labor to blame,
Not Kimmy the King
Or St. Rupert’s fame

Just Juliar, in bed
With her communist darlin’,
Steve’s been delightin’ her
Dressed up as Stalin.

Pull your head in, PM!
You won’t get that far:
Behind those thick glasses
Can’t you see who we are?
You’d best kiss our arses
And show some respect,
We’re tired of your ethics
And callous neglect.

For what do we get?
Just another red threat!
Restrictions, reforms
And a Soviet tsar!
The country’s gone commie,
The plot’s getting suss,
In Soviet ‘Straya,
The news could read us.

Yes We Vati-Can

Hark, hear, however!
Here’s a glimmer of hope,
A billow of smoke,
And we’ve got a new pope.

Who cooks his own food,
And catches the bus,
And sans pointy hat,
He could be one of us!
(Excepting, solely,
He’s far more holy.)

Don’t cry Argentina,
Though he’s going away,
He’ll bring our dear church
Into these modern days,
His ethnicity might give
Our profile a raise,
With a big-ass stick,
To fight off the gays.

Oh Francis, please say
That you’ll stay for a while,
You’re the first to be named
For our favourite zoophile.

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