Comedy //

A modest proposal: the Labor budget breakdown

Treasurer Wayne Swan’s delivery of the National Budget last week was met with much dismay from social progressives and anti-cannibalism activists.


Employing Milton Friedman’s ideas of freedom and choice, Swan announced his plans to implement and facilitate the free-market ideology popularised by Reagan and Thatcher, encouraging high-income earners to consume under-motivated ‘welfare leeches’, thereby eradicating the problems of dole bludging and the existence of a welfare state.

Swan said that this pivotal turn in fiscal policy would soon result in a diminution of public transport clogging, grime-footed street beggars, and the necessity for any sort of welfare provisions.

Furthermore, Swan announced the launch of the Federal Government’s new line of cookbooks, Eat the Poor or Die Trying, which detail a variety of different recipes that can be utilised to enjoy the flesh of the lower classes in a range of dishes. This new form of austerity is gaining traction amongst conservatives and has already received political and financial support from the likes of Fred Nile and the Liberal party, who will co-host the Blubber Ball later this month and auction off the more tender parts of Mt Druitt residents. Rupert Murdoch has been booked as the keynote speaker, and is set to outline proposals complementary to that of Mr Swan’s regarding the cannibalism of poor people by other poor people.

“The key to economic growth is acknowledging that poor people are the riches of a nation,” said

Mr Murdoch in a press release last week.

“It is a melancholy object to see the struggling poor congesting our roadways and obstructing our views of the city streets,” Mr Murdoch said.

The Blubber Ball is also receiving sponsorship from a number of medical research institutes which have allegedly pledged tonnes of human liposuction fat to the catering company to ensure an abundance of creamy mixers for the open bar. The catering company is set to debut the recipes of Eat the Poor, which showcase the usage of a range of zesty spices and herbs.

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