Culture //

NEWS IN REVUE: Week 8

Bryant Apolonio pens a comedy of errors

Still

Act I. Sc. I A living room.

 

FIRST VETERAN
When shall we three meet again
In thunder, lightning, or in rain?

SECOND VETERAN
The march will start at the break of dawn
Before a game of two-up is won.

THIRD VETERAN
“And at the going down of the sun…”

FIRST VETERAN
Where the place?

SECOND VETERAN
Up on George Street.

ALL
There to meet Clover Moore.

 

Sc. II An office.

 

SPENCE [Dictating an email to his PR stooge]
“The Dalai will have his day. I blame the press.
We love human rights. Enough protests!
Yours sincerely, Michael Spence.”

PR STOOGE
Sent to all! I’m relieved.
Like sailors who did still cling to the wreck –
We our own selves drowned.
I can finally stop replying to these letters
Of complaint, with stock responses.
Remember the time, Mike, we cleaned off the rainbow chalk
And said it was by accident. It feels like that.
Times a hundred thousand.

 

Sc. III Pyongyang. A meeting chamber.

 

KIM JONG UN
What news hast thou, O Ministers?

MINISTER
The South Koreans leave Kaesong, anon.
And our nationwide 3G network is a success.

KIM JONG UN [Laughing]
Those Yankees now dread their coming doom.
“Let’s talk nukes! – with Kim Jong Un and 6 others At The War Room.”
But I’ll say this, sir: there’s an awful tedium
When ads pop up for Spotify Premium.
So, come my glorious, global revolution
I’ve made my first official resolution:
Spotify guy’s head on a plate, a plate, a plate.

Filed under:
Vice Chancellor Michael Spence.

Michael Spence

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