Comedy //

Police criticised for passive aggressive behaviour

Protesters at Sydney University have again clashed with police during the latest bout of industrial action, culminating in accusations against the Force for excessive passive-aggression.


Police reportedly belittled the perceived scarcity of the picket. “They kept asking when the strike was going to start” an aghast student and activist, Pru Tessa, exclaims “even after it had finished!”.

Police Officer and insufferable Crocodile Dundee enthusiast, Constable Becon, was spotted strolling from picket to picket accosting protesters with a raised hand, “You call that a strike? THIS is a strike” motioning a slap before snorting hysterically.

Meanwhile, tensions reached their heights when officers decided to reappropriate classic left wing ballads with their own renditions. ‘Solid Armoury Forever’ was rumoured to be a particular crowd displeaser.

Several officers were allegedly seen putting their right foot in (the picket), then their right foot out, right back in, before shaking said foot all about.  When The Soin asked about the seemingly bizarre antics, they replied that they were “doing the Hokey Pokey” and “taking the job as seriously as university staff take theirs”.

This comes despite reassurances that the police were completely neutral agents in the industrial action. “Unlike those commie firees” a source unwilling to be identified tells The Soin “and if that’s not off the record, you can bet something will be on yours, son!”

Nevertheless, Police Chief Swyne claims to be sympathetic to community concerns and recommends that anyone with a complaint should make a submission to responsible authorities, along with their name and address, so they’ll “know where to send the tiny violin to”.

Passive-aggression as a crowd-management tactic is the latest in a series of energy-efficient Green initiatives from NSW police. “We’re here to serve and protect. That includes the planet”, Police Implement Green Strategies (PIGS) Spokesman, Michael Thugg, tells the Soin “Knowing you can completely demoralise someone without using a single watt of electricity? It feels good, you can sleep well”.

All new cadets are accordingly being equipped with fundamental passive aggressive training, including synchronised eye rolling, deep, extended sighs and fiercely indifferent expressions.  Training sessions can last up to a total of thirty minutes, making it the most intensive police training imposed to date.

When queried about further Green Initiatives, Officer Thugg suggested a cut back on superfluous student newspapers.


Filed under: