Comedy //

Sydney Law School closes its doors, cites “too many laws to teach”

Just four years after its reopening, Sydney Law School is no more.

Sydney Law Library: chockerblock full of laws and non-law students
Sydney Law Library: overflowing with laws and non-law students

The nation’s oldest Law School has issued a shock announcement that it will shut at the end of this year.

Initial rumours suggested that the closure may be a result of several years of slowing enrolments, exorbitant fee increases, and perpetual cuts to government funding for the tertiary education sector.

However, in a press release, the Dean, Professor Joellen Riley, stated that the closure was solely due to the fact that nowadays there are “too many laws to teach”.

“After many months of deliberation, the Faculty have decided that we can no longer claim to teach the law any more,” the statement read.

“There’s just too much going on: legislation, regulation, by-laws, codes, policies, ethics statements, and don’t get me started on the judge-made stuff. To be frank, we just can’t keep up.”

“Seriously – in 2013, if something isn’t banned or taxed, it’s subsidised and regulated. And even when a law is changed, there’s no guarantee someone’s not just going to storm in and change it back a month later. So screw it.”

Riley confirmed that she would be returning to the world of legal practice, as would many of her colleagues, so they could “try and make some shred of sense of this gigantic mess from the inside”.

At press time, thousands of final-year Arts and International Studies students were seen wandering Eastern Avenue aimlessly, eyes glazed over, clutching torn-up applications for the 2014 Juris Doctor program.

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