What can only be described as a miracle, the likeness of Jesus has appeared on a slightly burnt sausage left too long on Eastern Avenue barbeque during an EU free-for-Access-members sausage fest.
“There was one sausage on the end that we forgot to plate up, as we were quite busy trying to serve a very long line of apathetic Arts students, who looked impatient for their sausages and just nodded politely whenever we mentioned religion,” an EU member working at the barbeque commented.
“Then suddenly one of our members turned the sausage around and we were all astounded. The face of Jesus shone through the black crust, cellulose casing and processed meat. It was our Lord and Saviour. We knew that it was the true likeness of Jesus on the sausage because unlike almost all of the Western depictions of Jesus throughout time, this one was actually brown.”
“Our first thought was, ‘why would Jesus choose to appear on a sausage instead of performing some higher class of miracle, like treating blindness?’ However, our second thought was ‘why are we holding a barbeque? What has this got to do with our religion and the Christian message at all?’ We realised that both these instances must be the the work of God – that’s to say, absolutely pointless actions.”
The sausage has already fetched bids by international evangelicals of upwards of US$80 000. “These bids stunned us,” an EU spokesperson commented, “because if they simply had an Access card, they could’ve gotten it for free.”
Meanwhile at a Muslim Students Association barbeque, a likeness of the prophet Mohammed, arising from an overzealous pour of tomato sauce on a slice of bread, has sparked full-scale riots in the Middle East.
Join the EU this Wednesday at 1:00pm in Isabel Fiddler for their discussion panel entitled ‘Holding Sausages Sizzles and Endless Discussion Panels: The Best Way to Become the Paradigm of Morality? And Other Rhetorical Questions’.