The newly elected executive of the Sydney University Law Society (SULS) announced today that their first order of business will be a full-scale invasion of Syria. Having made their support of the Syrian rebels a prominent election platform, the incoming SULS team claimed they had a mandate to take immediate military action. “It’s the only responsible measure we could take at this point,” stated Secretary-elect Lewis Hamilton, “as the largest student society at Sydney University, these are the kinds of tough calls we’re going to have to make. The buck stops with us.”
This hasty call to arms follows a lengthy, extravagant election which saw the ‘Drum’ team claim victory after a tight and gruelling race.* “Our supporters were out in force for weeks and we have them to thank for this big win,” Hamilton confirmed, “but all that hard work makes sense now, as we have a tremendous and unique opportunity to reshape the global geopolitical arena. I’ll repeat, drawing upon vast resources in the form of manpower, flyers, posters, shirts, websites and social media was absolutely not done in vain. These efforts were justified by our subsequent ability to make radical changes in mammoth areas of policy which will inevitably go on to have a substantial and palpable impact on countless people’s lives.”
And according to Hamilton, this is just the beginning, as the Sydney University Law Society are also reportedly finalising plans for sweeping carbon pricing reform and the construction of an artificial biosphere dome on the moon to be completed by 2018.