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Breaking news: Tony Abbott resigns as PM

Abbott decides he’s better in Opposition, after all

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Abbott

After only 3 months into his tenure as Prime Minister of Australia, Tony Abbott is calling it quits. At a press conference held this morning, Mr Abbott announced that he will be resuming his former position as Leader of the Opposition, and reinstating both Julia Gillard and Kevin Rudd to the top job in what he terms a ‘co-Prime Ministerialship.’

The shocking announcement comes mere days after Parliament reconvened for this year under the new Liberal government.

When questioned about his behaviour, Prime Minister Abbott admitted that he doesn’t “know what to do during question time,” and added, “also this chair is way more uncomfortable than my old one.”

“After much careful deliberation with my fellow cabinet members and family, I have come to realise that my best work was completed as Opposition Leader, when I could criticise all of Labor’s policies. Gillard and Rudd always gave me something to work with,” he stated.

“I’m not much of a policy maker, myself. Much more of a policy-breaker,” he chuckled to himself, adding that “no” was his favourite word, and he missed being able to use it regularly.

Shrugging his shoulders, Mr Abbott added pitifully, “Julia Gillard and her woeful misandry always spurred me to my best work. And now she’s gone. And Electricity Bill is always yelling at me. He’s really mean.”

Liberal party members and voters across Australia have welcomed Mr Abbott’s decision. Sydney University Arts Student, Young Liberal member and self-professed future Prime Minister of Australia Edward Matthew Edmund Gregory Timothy Jamieson the 67th told The Soin that “I’m really happy for Prime Minister Abbott. I think, as someone majoring in Government and International relations, I can really understand where he’s coming from, and I believe that this decision is just another example of how much Mr Abbott really cares for Australia.”

Whilst Julia Gillard has yet to comment on Mr Abbott’s decision, Kevin Rudd has expressed his support via twitter, tweeting “Third time lucky! Sorry Bill! #Ruddard #Gillrudd #wearethelazarusparty #lodgepartieswithJules #selfietime”

 

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