Comedy //

Mature age rep revived as cyborg

Reports Honi Soit’s resident big mouth Hoe Jildebrand


Hello, children, and welcome back to Honi! It’s been a while! For those that don’t remember I’m Tracy, your mature aged rep, and I’m here to talk to you about Sydney University’s wonderful Cybernetics Program. Thanks to them, I’m back at university doing my 10th degree.  It’s a combined course in Biochemistry and Sanskrit and I couldn’t be happier!

In 2018, the second year of my fourth degree (Plant Science), I fell down the stairs at the Manning House after getting a bit tipply from beers. I would’ve been a goner if it hadn’t been for my best friend Bridget telling me that I could get full spinal reconstruction, genetic implants, and even fake memories at the SRC! Such a wise girl, Bridget. Bless her. You can be at university for 16 years and not realise that you paying SSAF could literally save your life, I said. Six months later I was back and ready for action! Half my bones are made of metal and I’m incapable of ageing because of the repressor proteins.

I also asked to have new memories of being serenaded by Roy Orbison. They gave me some memories of attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. Even the Tannhauser Gate! I went to Bowral in ’09, but deep space is a whole different tin of beans!

I’m so grateful to the SRC that I started a Facebook ‘page’ called and we have 200 ‘likes’. You should ‘like’ it too! I’m also thankful to Bridget though we haven’t really stayed in touch. She says she’s afraid of what I’ve become. She says that just because the children make fun of me for answering all the questions in tutorials I’m not allowed to … well. Bridget can just flip off, they were rude. I got on the TV and I suspect she’s a bit jealous.

What’s friendship to me anyway? What is friendship to one who has seen empires fall and kings become dust?

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