Hello and welcome to week three. By now you’ve probably broken between seven and nine New Year’s Resolutions, stopped attending lectures entirely, and resolved to sit in sullen silence during tutorials because fuck you who are you to tell me my contributions “aren’t exactly what the reading was about”? You’ve also probably already resorted to using the word “hegemony” where it isn’t really applicable, drunk more alcohol than you’ve eaten fruit, and pretended to discover god multiple times in order to snag a snag off the EU three times in one week. In short: it’s week three and you’re back into the swing of things. Only five weeks until midsem!
But don’t let the drudgery and unbridled wankery and stress of university life get to you too much, hey. While that git in your tute might look like they have it all together with their matching stationery and highlighted notes and praiseworthy contributions and general air of superiority – they don’t. It’s week three for everyone, the optimism of a new year is fading for everyone, and we’re all wading through the shit together.
To ensure you get through to week four, we recommend you do all of the following this week: eat a cronut, watch some otter videos, engage in a pointless Facebook argument, wash your sheets (seriously mate), pat a pug, floss twice daily, have some bevs with fronds, unfriend and punch the next person who links or likes “20 Strangers Kiss For The First Time” and READ THIS PAPER. It’s our gift to you – a machete with which to slash your way through the sweaty, slimy and riotous jungle that is week three. See you on the other side.