The Democratic Republic of Korea truly lived up to its name last night as the country’s citizens flocked to the polls to exercise their democratic right to vote for President Kim Jong-un. This year’s election has turned out to be the largest electoral win yet for the long running Kim dynasty, and is the first election to be held since Jong-un democratically inherited the presidency from his father Kim Jong-Il three years ago.
Jong-un’s camp had initially looked to be in for a beating, with state media reporting the Dear Leader’s approval rating had dropped to a crushing 110% in the weeks leading up to the election. However in a last minute surprise move the opposition party were declared enemies of the state and executed by the Jong-un camp, helping to secure Jong-un’s victory from the jaws of a slightly lesser victory. Preceding this election-winning twist, the Jong-un campaign had largely stuck to the tried and tested communist platform of promising fairer taxes, better roads, and promising to break the legs of anyone who dares to vote for the opposition.
Polling booth inspectors have stated they were pleased with the orderly outcome of this year’s election, having barely had to arrest any imperialist allies whose pencils strayed towards the opposition’s box this year.
Jong-un is said to be holding a small private election celebration tonight with friends and family, before their impending execution as dissidents early tomorrow morning.