Comedy //

Putin Tightens Grip On Kebab

Cam Smith likes tabbouleh.


Tensions were at breaking point in the metacarpal region yesterday, as Russian President Vladimir Putin wrestled to get the upper hand in his struggle with a kebab.

Strategically tightening his grip on the tabbouleh region, the President was met with an instant backlash from onlookers, despite his reassurances that the move was only made to sure up the safety of the mayonnaise in the area, and to ensure any further destabilisation would not overflow on to his clothing.

The recent mayhem surrounding the kebab has become an ongoing headache for the Russian leader, with the imminent threat of the kebab’s toppling seen to be an unwanted distraction from the Russia’s recent successes at the Olympic games.

The President has already suffered blowback from his poorly managed handling of the Kebab, with the G8 leaders excluding Putin from their next pub crawl.

President Obama has personally expressed concern that this latest move by Putin is in direct violation of previous commitments to cut back on carbs, threatening to employ napkins if Putin is unable to rein in the chaos.

This latest crisis comes as the second blow to the President’s popularity in as many months, with the international community still reeling from Russia’s outlawing of the promotion of hummus late last year.