Comedy //

Starving Children in Africa Actually Not Interested in What Mum Cooked

Patrick Morrow is just thinking of the children.

Image: Luigi Anzivino, via Flickr.
Image: Luigi Anzivino, via Flickr.
Image: Luigi Anzivino, via Flickr.

After Mosman housewife Sarah Calders wielded the threat that “the starving children in Africa would love to have something like that for dinner” to her quite full children over a family meal on Saturday night, sources in Nairobi have revealed that at least one nation’s poor and hungry have no interest in receiving the unwanted leftovers of upper-middle class Australians.

Kipkemboi Langat, a Kenyan local, stated that “even if the idea was a logistical possibility (and by the time you’ve shipped it you’re inflicting a grossly disproportionate cost on at least one party), the notion that the remnants of a five-year-old’s picked at mash potato and sausages (not likely to survive such a trip anyway) would meaningfully mitigate the malnourishment of even the smallest impoverished family – of any nationality – is mostly just insulting.”

“Frankly, if you have children who are consistently struggling with portion sizes, what would be more helpful is scaling down dinners, and directly donating any savings to a reputable aid agency. Stereotyping an entire continent is a pretty lazy way of instilling gratefulness in your kids.”

“There are hungry kids in Australia, too… In fact, now that I think of it, it’s probably more equitable to get it to them anyway,” Langat continued.

At the time of print, it was revealed that Calders usually passed the homeless in her own city without acknowledgement, declaring “I don’t carry small change” if pressed for charity.

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