Comedy //

Vice Chancellor Replaces Quad Lawn With Minefield

Elliott Brennan got blown into a million little pieces.

Photography by Merryjack via Flickr.

USyd Vice Chancellor Michael Spence has again sent shockwaves through the student body, this time with the installation of a minefield in the lawns of the iconic Quadrangle over the weekend.

Dr Spence says the minefield is a purely precautionary action – rumours of further strikes from the NTEU and their supporters arose late last week. “This is not an aggressive tactic; the minefields are clearly labelled,” Spence insisted, before adding: “However, I wouldn’t put it past those degenerates.”

The President of the USYD branch of the NTEU, Michael Thomson, was perplexed, asking only: “Is he serious?”

The new hazard has had a polarising impact on social media users and couples on campus. Second year Arts student Sally O’Neill lamented her plans for Monday: “a summer dress, some old books from Fisher, gym-junkie boyfriend and the perfect #study gram in front of the quad…”

But third year Business/Law student and St John’s resident, Dave Broman, was excited by the news, stating his intention to make freshers go viral on his new Tumblr account: Quadbams.

Perhaps the hardest hit by this development in USYD community has been the campus’s ibis populace, with 43 birds already reported dead this week.