“2017
Comedy //

Vice Chancellor Replaces Quad Lawn With Minefield

Elliott Brennan got blown into a million little pieces.

Photography by Merryjack via Flickr. Photography by Merryjack via Flickr.

USyd Vice Chancellor Michael Spence has again sent shockwaves through the student body, this time with the installation of a minefield in the lawns of the iconic Quadrangle over the weekend.

Dr Spence says the minefield is a purely precautionary action – rumours of further strikes from the NTEU and their supporters arose late last week. “This is not an aggressive tactic; the minefields are clearly labelled,” Spence insisted, before adding: “However, I wouldn’t put it past those degenerates.”

The President of the USYD branch of the NTEU, Michael Thomson, was perplexed, asking only: “Is he serious?”

The new hazard has had a polarising impact on social media users and couples on campus. Second year Arts student Sally O’Neill lamented her plans for Monday: “a summer dress, some old books from Fisher, gym-junkie boyfriend and the perfect #study gram in front of the quad…”

But third year Business/Law student and St John’s resident, Dave Broman, was excited by the news, stating his intention to make freshers go viral on his new Tumblr account: Quadbams.

Perhaps the hardest hit by this development in USYD community has been the campus’s ibis populace, with 43 birds already reported dead this week.

Vice Chancellor Michael Spence.

Michael Spence

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The Vice Chancellor has been in the role for almost a decade; his drive to reshape the University seems to have only grown.