After a heated exchange over several weeks in the letters section of Honi Soit, Left activist groups on campus have succeeded in solving the Israel-Palestine conflict.
Countless world leaders, NGOs and the United Nations had been working on stopping the conflict, which has raged since the mid-20th century and caused upwards of 24000 deaths.
In a press conference UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon praised the efforts of the letter writers and their commitment to world peace.
“Thanks to their dogged persistence and enthusiasm over the past few weeks, this immensely complex and fraught political and social catastrophe has magically resolved,” he said.
“The best bit was where they devolved into calling each other Zionists or just broadly anti-peace. Who knew that that kind of petty exchange in a newspaper with a readership of roughly four people would work?! 10/10 would solve world peace in that way again.”
Commentators are predicting that the Honi letter writers will now move on to solving the ongoing crisis in the Democratic Republic of Congo. It is expected that this will only take two weeks.