Comedy //

Mum “No Longer Impressed” By Twice-Folded A4 Paper Card For Mother’s Day

Peter Walsh is a shit son.

mothers day

mothers day

Sandra Port, mother of three, was “disappointed, but not surprised” when her son, John, greeted her on Mother’s Day with another homemade card. The card – a twice-folded piece of A4 paper on which he had drawn a stick figure diagram of himself and his mother holding hands under a sunglass wearing sun – was “basically identical” to the cards she had received when John was a baby.

John, 22 (Arts II), who woke up at 2pm, claims the date “snuck up on him since it was a Sunday this year” and blamed “the newsagents shutting early” for the throw together gift. When pressed, he accused his mother of thinking he was made of time during this very stressful year and said that “essays on Analytic Philosophy don’t just grow on trees, y’know”.

While Sandra agreed that “it’s the thought that counts”, she said that gifts such as these “no longer impressed her”. The drawing was said also to reflect John’s growing distance from the family. “He should know better than drawing like that,” she said. “We haven’t been the same height in years.” Sandra then opened her bottom drawer to reveal the twenty previous cards John had made since he developed the cognition and motor skills to both understand and produce a ‘gift’.

Worse still, a close study of John’s earlier work, especially around age two, suggests his artistic skills have regressed.