Comedy //

NRL Bosses Are Totally Miranda Devine

Cam Smith used to be a Miranda Devine.

WHY doesn’t the NRL just burn Mitchell Moses at the stake? The 19-year-old Wests Tigers player has been hit with a two-week match ban for leveling a slur against Queensland opponent Luke Bateman.

Let’s get one thing straight, he did no such thing. What Moses actually said was “you f … ing Miranda Devine”, during an on-field biffo with Bateman. But “Miranda Devine” no longer means what it means. You follow? Good.

Before “Devine” came to mean “sad excuse for a journalist”, it meant good and high quality, but hardly anyone uses it that way now. Young people these days use “Miranda Devine” to mean anyone who’s lame, or dumb or stupid, as in: “That journalist is Miranda Devine.” People of an earlier era used the word one way, and now a hate-filled fear- mongering minion of the Murdoch empire has changed its meaning to something else. Easy come, easy go. No one owns a word, and it would be just tyrannical to demand that people must use the words “Miranda Devine” only in the form approved by some nutjobs named Miranda Devine.

So, following that clear logic, why is anyone pretending that what Mitchell said had anything to do with Miranda? It didn’t. He was being offensive, sure, but he was not being Mirandaphobic, which last time I looked meant “an extreme and irrational aversion to Miranda Devine” or “sane”. Bateman isn’t even Miranda Devine. What more evidence do you need that Mitchell didn’t call Bateman “Miranda Devine” as a slur? Checkmate, thought police.

What might have started as a noble cause to prevent vilification of Miranda Devine has veered into dangerous territory. If punishing someone for doing something that was against the rules is now NRL policy, then someone is on drugs. And reading back over my disconnected ramblings and idiotic arguments, I’m guessing it’s probably me. Oh well, I guess I’m just a bit of a Miranda Devine.