Comedy //

Taste Introduces More Bearded Staff To Combat Laneway’s Hipster Stronghold

Mary Ward is a bearded lady.

An army of bearded wait staff and swapping macarons for cronuts are just some of the measures campus café Taste is taking to keep customers after the launch of union outlet Laneway.

“We’re totally changing our brand,” said café manager Mishell Jonsun.

“I mean, being situated in the Law building is always going to be a bit of a ‘rep downer’. Get it? ‘Rep downer.’ Like, reputation downer? The kids say that, yeah?”

The changes will include a menu overhaul, swapping out “bourgeois” pastries like macarons for “hip” cronuts, and increasing the amount of kale on the menu by over 500 per cent.

“I don’t see why you can’t have a kale croissant,” Jonsun said.

The café will also introduce a beard-based affirmative action scheme for hiring employees.

Jonsun denied that this policy was detrimental for gender equality, saying that Taste was “more than open” to hiring bearded ladies.

The café plans to implement the changes early this semester.