MEASLES OUTBREAK IN THE INNER WEST
Sydney’s inner west is in the grip of a measles outbreak. People who visited Leichhardt Marketplace, Leichhardt Library or Norton Plaza between July 15 and 24 are being warned by NSW Health to look out for the highly contagious disease’s symptoms, which initially include a cough, strained eyes and a fever, followed by a rash a few days later. EVERYBODY PANIC.
Alternatively, you could check that you’ve had two documented doses of the MMR vaccine. That’s also a good plan.
QUICK, HIDE THE HASH
Jetstar has apologised after a crew member advised Splendour in the Grass attendees to flush “anything [they] shouldn’t have” before arriving at Sydney airport. The crew member told festival-goers that sniffer dogs and quarantine officers were waiting for the Gold Coast services at Sydney.
The announcement reportedly caused a rush of passengers needing to use the bathroom. As it was a Jetstar flight, we can rule out the possibility of this rush being caused by the heinous Qantas burritos that plague the stomachs of their domestic passengers.
PIN DAY, PIN DAY, GOTTA GET DOWN ON PIN DAY
Last Friday was PIN Day, the day on which we all needed to stop using signatures on credit cards to avoid being eaten alive by EFTPOS machines and taken to the mint to be repurposed as twenty dollar notes. (That red colouring has to come from somewhere.)
So, if your grandma’s still signing ‘Beryl Whistlington’ at the bottom of her receipts, let her know that perhaps the four digits of her favourite grandchild’s birthday might be a better option. Then remind her that she should base her favouritism solely on which of her grandchildren keeps her most informed about changes to consumer experience in the banking sector, and write your birthday on her card in permanent marker.
ANTI-GAY LAWS OVERTURNED IN UGANDA
Ugandan anti-homosexuality legislation has been overturned following a decision by the country’s constitutional court on Friday. The legislation outlawed the promotion of homosexuality, made homosexuality a crime punishable by a life sentence, and required Ugandan residents to denounce suspected gays to the police.
The legislation faced tough criticism when it was introduced earlier this year, with US Secretary of State John Kerry regressing into a high school debater and likening the laws to anti-Semitic legislation under Nazi Germany. Unfortunately, this ruling means that Uganda will go back to their old laws, under which homosexuality is still punishable by jail.