The group of Perth citizens who pushed a train off its tracks to rescue a trapped individual had a press conference Saturday, in which they outlined a manifesto for pushing away Perth’s social ills. “It’s all well and good to push a train”, said defacto leader Sheryl, “but our anachronistic city needs a few more pushes before we can call it a safe place for our kids”. The group identified a number of targets, including bikies, pollution, and homophobia.
While the group has made some headway – especially with bikies, because pushing over bikes is, in many ways, easier than a train – they have faced significant criticism that you can’t just push your problems away. “Look, he’s got us there,” said group member Barry. “Homophobia is an abstract thing, so we couldn’t just push it over.” When questioned further, Barry clarified that “we did find a homophobe, and yes, we pushed him over”.
At the time of publishing, there is a warrant for Barry’s arrest in relation to a ‘one-push assault’, the latest in a number of ‘coward-pushes’ plaguing Perth’s CBD.