Like most people I frequently wake up in the morning thinking about what sparkling wine would best complement my train trip into uni. Thankfully, SURG FM has, for one day a week at least, assuaged my existential anxiety.
At 10am on Tuesday morning The Bill and Cal Show answers that question for me. Naturally, the show’s opening music coincides precisely with the time my local Dan Murphy’s opens. For the past three weeks I’ve found myself standing ready and waiting in the sparkling wine section for the hosts to tell me what “is whetting [Bill and Cal’s] tongues” that morning, so that I may emerge from the Kafkaesque prison of my subconscious and emulate their superior taste.
Champers popped, swigging from a brown paper bag and disco bangerz blasting out of my heapdhones, I am ready to begin my train trip into university (and here I should thank my considerate lecturer who understood my inability to embrace Tuesdays without this ritual and rescheduled the lectures accordingly).
But wait, you say, so many calories that early in the morning, what ever will you do? Never fear, dear reader, all is well. Bill and Cal are also experts on exercise. If motivation is your problem then take heed of their advice and Instagram your morning run, it will rack up ‘double taps’ and work both your glutes and your Klout score. Be warned though, some members of the public may not understand aperture and vectors, so be sure to issue them with a list of instructions and make full use of the editing capabilities of #vscocam.
As the only media outlet in Sydney more in love with Marx than the ABC, it is nice to see SURG embracing a format that is more fair and balanced. Real students don’t want to hear queer hip hop, they want the perky vocal stylings of Ariana Grande. Real students don’t want a ten-part series on the best places in the inner west to dumpster dive, they want answers to the real questions in haute cuisine, like is pizza ever a suitable entree? (The answer for those playing along at home is “no”, Reagan would roll in his grave). Real students don’t want to hear unshowered socialists abusing Christopher Pyne on the airwaves, real students know he is perfect.
If ever you have winced upon seeing asymmetrically cuffed chinos or vomited in your mouth a little bit at the thought of a quiff with a hair out of place, then this is the show for you.