Comedy //

Ciders Review Board Directors

by a cider.

cider

First there was the landmark Queer Review. Then there was the Transparency Review. Now, a cider brings you The 2014 USU Board Directors Review. On the 14th August 2014, I, a cider, tried two of the board directors at Manning Bar. These were an apple-based beverage’s live findings, no edits have been made:

Alisha Aitken-Radburn –

You get the impression she has been designed to give everyone a little bit of something that they kinda want. She’s not the sort of niche product that’s really there for a specific demographic, so much as non-committally, generally palatable.
I am made of apples. Run of the mill, and always has a toe on the party-line. Alisha also sports an aggressive dislike of opera and love of SUBSKI. Also, did you hear she’s dating Young Liberal Dean Shachar or something lolololol omg so Alishachar, so scandal (just kidding – I’m an apple and I’m above that bullshit).

If you’re already five board directors deep, you’re not going to mind having this one. But you won’t necessarily enjoy it.

Kade Denton –

Kade is probably fine, I guess.

Kade initially wanted to make a racial slur after trying my friend, a bottle of Kirin, though not one you’d expect. He settled instead on a line about amyl or something, whatever that is
(I’m an apple and don’t have a butt hole).

The USU encourages the responsible election of board directors.

Vice Chancellor Michael Spence.

Michael Spence

Michael Spence: the fair controller?

The Vice Chancellor has been in the role for almost a decade; his drive to reshape the University seems to have only grown.