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New Facebook Algorithm Designed And Run By Cats

Astha Rajvanshi is Former Immediate Past President of the University of Sydney Union and also a cat.

BREAKING: It has been discovered that the tech experts behind the controversial changes to Facebook’s new algorithm are, in fact, cats.

In January, Facebook announced that it would stop favouring click-bait headlines and links within photo captions, as part of its effort to improve what appears in a user’s Facebook newsfeed.

However, it seems there was another message buried in Facebook’s announcement: don’t forget about cats.

The contentious move was triggered by cats becoming fed-up of being neglected by the internet after early 2008, when they had their original popularity spike on

“At first, we were flattered by all the attention from the internet, but once we realized that we were just another dispensable viral trend, we decided to take control,” said one cat, before retreating back to Facebook’s headquarters to continue licking and scratching computers while purring contentedly.

To up their popularity, they have decided that the goal of Facebook’s new algorithm will be “to elicit an emotional response to cats,” favouring instead links to cat articles, cats on Reddit, cats on Youtube, cat gifs, and the original classic, LOLCats – funny cat pictures.

Lars Backstrom, Facebook’s Engineering Manager, believes that this is actually a positive move for the social-media giant’s coders.

“What we’ve found is that cats actually help deliver the right content to the right people at the right time,” he said.

There are rumors that Twitter might adopt a similar system soon, with dogs taking over its algorithm.

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