Comedy //

Upcoming Summer Blockbuster Cancelled as Daniel Day-Lewis Cures Cancer

Bennett Sheldon is the world’s Second Greatest Cancer Researcher.

Image: Mark Hillary, via Flickr.

Renowned method actor Daniel Day-Lewis, in preparation for his upcoming role as ‘The World’s Greatest Cancer Researcher’, announced last night that he has in fact cured the deadly disease.

This has unfortunately rendered the tragic film, focusing on a researcher’s inability to find the cure before it claims his wife, somewhat out of context.

Day-Lewis, who recently graduated with a PhD in Biochemistry from the Bristol Old Vic Acting School, disclosed that he was disappointed with the results, but is aware that there will be other roles in the future.

Whilst the production studio shares his frustration, others in the wider community are identifying a positive spin on the development.

“I’m very disappointed not to be able to see the film. Mr. Lewis is my favourite actor and it was going to be the highlight of my year,” said Sasha Jones, age 14, who was previously diagnosed with leukaemia.

“But it was a coin flip whether I’d have been able to see the film anyway”.

Although initial responses are largely emotional, certain groups are already planning sequels to the film that was not.

The ‘United Nations’, an intergovernmental organisation with no previously known ties to the acting community, is hoping to sign Day-Lewis to a multi-film contract in which he will play: The World’s Greatest Detective, The World’s Greatest Developing Nation Economist, The World’s Greatest Middle-East Peace Negotiator, The World’s Greatest Global Warming Scientist, and The World’s Greatest Intersectional Human Rights Lecturer.

The United Nations have found themselves in a bidding war, however, with al-Qaeda and other rebel groups, who have offered Day-Lewis a lucrative Romantic-Comedy deal in which he will play a down-on-his-luck everyman who amasses an army of child solders to overthrow the West and win back his girlfriend.

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