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Clive Palmer Naps In Parliament, Sets Record For Successful ‘Inceptions’

Naaman Zhou reports on our nation’s most admirable politician.

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As new photos surfaced today of Clive Palmer sleeping through Question Time, the mining magnate and Star Wars prosthesis prototype has defended himself – revealing that he uses his sleep “productively” to steal the dreams of high-powered CEOs in a manner akin to the 2010 Christopher Nolan film Inception.

Palmer, a straw-haired caricature of a marshmallow that was accidentally brought to life by a careless wizard, had first been photographed snoozing in May this year. In September it was revealed the Member for Fairfax had the poorest attendance record of any lower house MP – attending only 19 votes out of a possible 202.

Batting away questions that he was failing his electorate, Palmer claimed his exemplary performance in the field of dream-snatching was more than making up for it.

“Sure you look at the stats and I’ve only attended 9 per cent of total votes,” he said, “but 100 per cent of my naps have resulted in a successful ‘extraction’. If you ask me, the taxpayer is definitely getting their money’s worth.”

“I’m at it 24/7,” he continued, “I promise that whenever you sleep, I’ll be there.”

The PUP leader, who frequently refers to himself as “an awesome little dinosaur” when alone, told reporters he followed the exact process set out in the film and employed an expert team of medical staff to administer sedatives. He revealed he had seen the movie six or seven times and found the performance of Joseph Gordon-Levitt especially revelatory.