Best Labor Faction – Socialist Alternative
We never thought we’d see the co-operation of two of USyd’s premier Trotskyist revolutionary groups but then SAlt and Unity signed a preference deal.
The Rhys Pog award for a status you’ll regret – Robby Magyar
That one backfired, ay?
The demagnetisation award for no moral compass – Alisha Aitken-Radburn
First Unity, then Swag. When you said unleashed, we didn’t think it would end like this.
People to watch – Harry Stratton
First as tragedy, then as farce, then as Harry Stratton. Usually this section is saved for an up-and-comer. This time, it’s for Harry. Keep watching, he’ll fuck up again soon.
Award for cultural awareness – Law Revue
Between the KKK skit and the terrorists on a plane sketch, Law Revue demonstrated a cultural sensitivity to rival that of the USU marketing team.
The Jam for Honi Soit award for killing objectivity – Mon Droit
Promising to rectify the ‘overwhelming left-wing bias’ of all other USyd student media outlets, Mon Droit burst onto the scene earlier this year with the bluster and talent of a lobotimised Alan Jones.
Bad Alex award for needing a new outlet – Chaneg Torres
For filling our letters page throughout the year with his endless shit.
Twelfth Night award for mistaken identity – #abbottatusyd #bishopatusyd
The John Howard award for non-core promises – 2014 Honi Soit Editors
We really fucked up with the GST. Sorry.
Days of Our Lives soap opera award – 2014 Honi Soit Editors
There’s still a couple of us who haven’t slept together. Still got til December tho 😉
The meiosis award for splitting again – SLS
Come on, Harry.
The Abraham Lincoln award for a house divided – Hannah Smith, Eve Radunz, Kate Bullen
Won’t someone think of the Bronson?
The Gillard/Rudd award for the most acrimonious split in the Labor party – Alisha Aitken-Radburn and Georgia Kriz
“You’re fucking scum!” #neva4get
The Nobel Peace Prize – Malala Yousafzai
For the struggle against the suppression of children and young people and for the right of all children to education.
The Bob Ellis award for irrelevant political commentary – Rafi Alam
If you haven’t seen one of Rafi’s Facebook threads, you’re not connected to the internet.
The Harold Holt award for absentee leadership – Jen Light
11.07am, 11.54am, 12.07pm, 10.55am, 12.46pm, 10.57am, 11.32am, 11.49am, 12.01pm, and 10.29am. Times on a Monday when $42,000 of student money turned up for work.
The Honi Soit award for failing to fact-check – Grassroots
That was pretty politifukt up, eh?
The Callum Forbes award for fiscal mismanagement – USyd Finance Department
Accidentally transferring $500,000 to the US Studies Society makes Callum look relatively responsible.
The Peter Phelps award for not having moved on – Peter Phelps
Whether he’s trolling our Facebook page, Twitter feed, or comments section, Phelps needs to move the fuck on. Other campus notables include 70% of Juris Doctorate students and seventh-year Arts “kids”.
The Mount Vesuvius award for scorching everything in its wake – Elly Morley
Morley knows how to use her vocal chords.
The John Kerr award for political neutrality – Paulene Graham
You man booths with Unity celebrities on election days and then impartially deliberate between Labor and its righteous foes in USyd elections. Probably pick one.
The Robert Mugabe award for electoral transparency – Senate RO David Pacey
Thanks for picking up none of Honi’s 57 calls about the controversial Senate election results, mate.
The Tony Abbott “shirtfront” award for Election Day conduct – Harry Stratton
You’re meant to vote-spoil your opponents, fuckwit.
The Houdini award for disappearance – Sydney Arts Students’ Society
The Mighty Duck Award for Hockey enthusiast – Nina Khoury
Who knew the main threat of fee deregulation was to the elite athlete program?
Kirsten Andrews award for best response to an inquiry from Honi Soit – Hannah Morris and Pusheen
The Alain de Botton award for most pretentious person in the world – Pat Massarani
Runner-up: Ben Brooks.
Search for “Patrick Massarani AND goblet” on Google Images and “lordchamberlainII marque seasonally non-specific clerkship application” on Youtube.
The Barry O’Farrell award for a wine-related electoral fuckup – Callum Forbes
The Liberal front bench award for Just the Boys – BroSoc
We get it, men have feelings too. But to be fair, at least even the Liberals have one woman in Cabinet.
The Malcolm Fraser award for jumping on the progressive political bandwagon – Tara, Eve, and Robby on Stand with Raue.
Crossing the floor doesn’t count when it’s your only choice.
Dr Seuss award for whimsical linguistic games – Barry Spurr
We do not think that you’re a sport,
We’re glad that you just lost in court.
We would not like you in a tute,
We would like you to get the boot.
We think you are a bigot Sir,
We do not like you Barry Spurr.
Steven Bradbury award for an unexpected win – Liam Carrigan
Who knew the caribou had so many mates?
The “Just waiting for a mate award” for implausible denial – Tara Waniganayaka
You got smashed and fell asleep in a public place. It happens to the best of us.
Marie Antoinette award for unadulterated, gloriously unaware privilege – University of Sydney Polo Club
For when wearing Ralph Lauren just doesn’t cut it any more.
Runners-up: the entire USyd Law Faculty.
Kim & Kanye award for strange bedfellows – The Conservative Club and Unity
On second thoughts, not so strange.
Margaret Zhang award for insufferable self-promotion on social media – the 2014 USU Board directors
We get it, you’re obliged to spend time together.
The Socialist Alternative award for backing the wrong side – USyd during the Alexander Wright saga
The Bill Clinton award for: “I didn’t have electoral relations with that student” – Belinda Hutchinson
The Pinocchio award for being a lying puppet – USU staff members
For doing Belinda Hutchison’s dirty work during the Senate elections.
Peter Pan award for refusing to grow up – USyd Quidditch Society
The Quad can be confusing but we don’t actually go to Hogwarts, guys.
The school chaplaincy program award for most pointless allocation of government resources – moving Hermann’s bus stop ten metres down the road
Peter Slipper award for suspicious use of taxpayer-funded cab charges – members of the USU Board
Seriously, your SSAF money.
The Khloe Kardashian award for being outshone by a younger sibling – Laneway
Once Courtyard came along, your poached eggs looked just that little bit shitter.