Each Feather in White Kid’s Headdress Awarded for Instance of Being a Huge, Stupid Arsehole

A study by anthropologists at the University of Manchester has discovered that every feather in the headdress worn by local white man Cody Harrington was a trophy from an instance where he was a gigantic arsehole.

The revelation came during The Rainbow Serpent Festival in January where, when faced with allegations of cultural appropriation, Harrington shouted “mate, I’ve earned these bad boys. Bein’ a top tier legend, mate.”

The ensuing survey discovered that the earliest of Harrington’s feathers must have been awarded at a regional psytrance festival where he declared that he had a spirit name—Dancing Horse—after which he went on to take three ecstasy tablets and grope a woman he did not know.

When asked about his warbonnet, Harrington declared “mate, you can’t just ask me about shit like a headdress. Symbols mean different things to everyone and these are, like, my symbols now.”

Harrington went on to say that there was something “deeply spiritual” about a gathering of predominantly white young-adults, together in the “pursuit of oneness” just “having a real good time” and not wearing shoes.

The number of feathers in Harrington’s headdress suggest he is the biggest dick of his immediate circle of friends, a title which, Harrington explained, “just shut up, mate. Why are you giving me such a hard time? It’s heaps rude.”