Comedy //

Digsite find suggests Romans role-played modern, white collar workers with 9-5 jobs, mortgages

Archaeologists have found ancient artefacts at a digsite in Gibraltar which show that citizens of the Roman Empire regularly met for dice games at which they would roleplay as twenty-first century, middle class workers with tedious jobs and mortgages. Professor Archie Hats from the Oxford School of Archaeology spear-headed the latest excavations, and said that…

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Archaeologists have found ancient artefacts at a digsite in Gibraltar which show that citizens of the Roman Empire regularly met for dice games at which they would roleplay as twenty-first century, middle class workers with tedious jobs and mortgages.

Professor Archie Hats from the Oxford School of Archaeology spear-headed the latest excavations, and said that this find “is it exactly the kind of lame prescience we’ve come to expect of the empire”.

“Theirs was a world of Caesars and peacocks and marble and opulence. It’s only natural to think that for them, escape was the soul-crushing daily grind that defines our epoch.”

The digsite made headlines when what is thought to be the world’s oldest twenty-sided die was discovered in late 2012. Researches established a permanent camp on top of what they suspect was once a semi-permanent coastal outpost.

“The latest discovery is exciting because, along with the infrastructure for the game – dice, drink vessels and furniture – we also found hand-scrawled notes of unfunny office quotes to take out of context, and drawings of scenes in a hypothetical real estate agency.”

“We always knew that the Romans were forward thinking, but now we know that they were forward thinking and big nerds; Neeeeeeeeeerrrrdddddssss.”

Vice Chancellor Michael Spence.

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