Tony Abbott eats whole POTATO!

Tony Abbott recently shocked crowds by making the bizarre (amirite?) decision to publicly consume an onion. What’s next? Eating a potato! I’ll bet!

Come on Tone, what are you doing!?

A potential explanation for this strange behaviour surfaced this morning, when it was revealed that Tony Abbott was actually an omnivorous ELEPHANT. Sources close to the cabinet suggested that he was found out because of his big ears. ZINGER!

Opposition parties were quick to seize on the revelation, attributing a host of Abbott’s recent gaffes to the new discovery.

“It’s official: we did it! Community wins as Greens prove Tony Abbott is an elephant,” said Greens Leader Christine Milne. “This government is about as bad as Season 3 of House of Cards.”

They couldn’t explain his bloody budgie smugglers, though. When’s he gonna get those budgies out of his budgie smugglers, hey?

These observations have seen Abbott’s approval rating plummet, (not a PUNNET, this isn’t as sweet as strawberries, Tone!) according to Newspoll. Those speed dealer sunnies might be great at reflecting sunlight but I guess they can’t reflect razor sharp political criticism!

[Needs things here]

Tony, looks like you’re up s**t creek! If only there was some way to stop your boat, big fella!

Andy Slacks is The Garter’s Premier Satirist (Another joke—he’s just started here! But he’s having a great time and wants to stay on!). If you want to hear more of his jokes, he writes for The Garnish and can be found on Twitter at @ . Yea, it’s a spoonerism.