Entries open for Honi Soit 2021 Writing Competition
Comedy //

How about we stop telling MALM shelves they need to carry a wall-mounting kit when they go out and start telling toddlers to stop pulling MALM shelves down on top of themselves?

Another day, another statistic. Another IKEA MALM chest of drawers, pulled down in its own home. And yet, what does society tell MALMs to do? Carry wall-mounting kits. Yes, this week IKEA has announced that they will be handing out free wall-mounting kits to MALMs so that they can “protect themselves” against toddlers. It’s the…

Another day, another statistic.

Another IKEA MALM chest of drawers, pulled down in its own home.

And yet, what does society tell MALMs to do?

Carry wall-mounting kits.

Yes, this week IKEA has announced that they will be handing out free wall-mounting kits to MALMs so that they can “protect themselves” against toddlers.

It’s the sort of victim-blaming discourse we’ve come to expect from our politicians.

But, today I’m asking: how about we stop telling MALM shelves they need to carry a wall mounting kit when they go out and start telling toddlers to stop pulling them down on top of themselves?

How about we stop telling MALMs they are too loose? That they are inviting this kind of attention?

It’s never too early to raise violence against MALMs with your own toddlers.

This the kind of education that needs to start in our playgroups.

This year, 782 MALMs have been pulled down from their walls.

And we need to start to take that number seriously.