Comedy //

Bronwyn Bishop: The (Wo)Man of La Manchelicopta!

The Other Root Vegetables, with Andy Slacks

The Other Root Vegetables, with Andy Slacks

Someone turn down the speakers! Guess who’s getting the chop(pers?). That’s right, Bronnie “I Fly in a Helicopter Regularly at the Taxpayer’s Expense” Bishop has gotten the sack! (or should I say, the helicopters!).

It got me thinking. How else might Bronwyn Bishop get around? Then it hit me: the most EXPENSIVE way! Imagine if Bronwyn Bishop decided to pop down to her friend’s house on the Central Coast via Hovercraft?! They’d call her Bronwyn Hovercraft! Or maybe she would prefer to get to the shops in a gilded carriage drawn by forty white horses? We could call her old Horsey Carty Bronwyn Horseshop! Perhaps HER MAJESTY would find a rocket propelled by DIAMONDS more sympathetic to her needs? Probably.

If I knew how to use photoshop I would put her face on Cruella D’Ville’s body with a lot of helicopters in the background and call the film (it’s a fake poster) 101 TAXPAYER FUNDED VACations!

But then, that might be a slight against Cruella D’Ville! [Check with legal to see if this is defo. I think we can get away with it because she’s fictional?]

Everybody knows that the richest fictional characters are Scrooge McDuck, Smaug and Elon Musk, but if we aren’t careful, we might find that—off the taxpayer’s back (and it’d have to be a real high back if you want to launch a bloody helicopter off it!)—the tremendous spectacle of Bronny’s free rides canonises her in the Bible of bloody richos!

Tune in next week for more or less the same piece if we’re still talking about it.

Andy Slacks tweets from @andy_slacks, opinions are his own (but, let’s face it, you probably agree with him!)