I’m Not Just Along for the Ride: A Guest Editorial From Donald Trump’s Hair

Not many people can say that they have ridden with a tyrant.

Hitler’s moustache, Pol Pot’s moustache, Stalin’s horse, perhaps, but the head on which I rest is surely one of the worst to sit approximately six feet above the earth.

I am so near his mouth that I can smell his breakfast – no matter how many meals he has had in the intervening time – at all hours. He is a rancid man whose skin screams to dismount its skeleton. A conservative banshee that is also a bit dumb.

This is the image of “It was a great night for Mexico” “The American dream is dead” Donald “The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese” Trump that people would have you buy into. It’s also an utter lie.

I’m close to . I know the man. It may seem strange for a hairpiece to take an editorial stance on behalf of its wearer running for the candidacy in an election in another country. Maybe it would be stranger if I didn’t. Maybe I should stick to domestic politics. I don’t know.

But I do know that “It was a great night for Mexico” “The American dream is dead” Donald “The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese” Trump has been wronged. He is a decent man, an upstanding person of business, and possesses a finer acumen than many in the field for the presidency. You mightn’t agree with them, but he has convictions. You mightn’t like where he goes, but he’s straight to the point. It is absent from so many others and as a voter, and as his hair, I respect that.

While the rest of the man may be abroad, please accept this earnest appeal from his hairpiece as a true testament of his character.

No matter how small, everyone should do their part. The race is a crowded one this year. It may well come down to a hairsbreadth.