Iceland to Become First Nation Powered Exclusively by Toxic Masculinity

Environmentalists around the world have celebrated a commitment made by Sigrún Magnúsdóttir, Iceland’s Minister for The Environment and Natural Resources, to extract 100% of the nation’s energy needs from toxic masculinity by 2025.

“For too long, we have let boys be boys without considering that boys could be an infinitely renewable source of constructive electric power as well as boys,” Magnúsdóttir announced at a press conference on Friday.

“We will be opening six dedicated Electric Boy Farms in Reykjavík. The facilities are clean, and the boys are abundant. They will be big and muscly and they will want to impress one another.”

Doctor Samantha Hoarley of the CSIRO says that it’s the sort of advance only made possible by strong investment in research and technology.

“We’ve always known, with its compulsion to lift heavy things and make loud noises, that toxic masculinity is a massively underutilised natural energy source. It hits things, and runs far, and now, Iceland is harnessing that… harnessing those yummy boys.”

While some have attributed the success of Iceland’s boy program to the relatively small size of the Scandanavian nation, Doctor Hoarley insists that the farms have applications in nations as large and sparse as Australia.

“This is an exportable technology. The hope is that, within decades, we might see countries around the world harnessing big sweaty heaving Boy Farms. For so long they ran the world. It’s refreshing to think that they might power it.”

While harvesting energy from toxic masculinity has proven tremendously successful, scientists have turned their attention to its exhaust products, which must be stored in massive concrete domes, with leakages destroying the long-term viability of women in local agriculture.