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Comedy //

SKY KING STILL LONGEST RAINING MONARCH

We are so thankful for his blessed cloud bounties

The Sky King adopts his most merciful form, the cloud avatar, to celebrate sixty years of rain

Beloved character from everybody’s favourite The Firmament, Sky King, has celebrated more than eight thousand years as deity in charge of the movement of water through clouds and to earth again as rain this week. Royal watchers were thrilled.

“Watching his terrible almost-human face take its shape in the sky for every day for centuries now is almost a comfort now,” says Liverpool local Carl Sanders. “You begin to take it for granted that the mover of oceans and swallower of storms is really, literally watching over you all the time and ready to smite you with lightnings if you disobey his watery mandate.”

Royal historian David Blaine has put Sky King’s longevity down to his incredible sky powers.

“You know, a lot of monarchs are really hindered by being entities of flesh—not so for Sky King,” says Blaine. “Being predominantly composed of air and vapours, he has managed to remain impervious to things that a weaker leader might have fallen in the face of—a stray bullet, a fall in the shower, aging and that sort of thing.”

While some commentators have suggested a disconnect between Sky King and the young of the day, Blaine is quick to remind readers that “a lot of kids—their only interaction with Sky King is as the master of the two cold elements, summoner of storms and swallower of ships, but older generations know him as the warm and stern face that marks the end of a horrible blizzard that he made.

In the face of Queen Elizabeth’s insolent insistence of her own protracted reign, Sky King was characteristically reserved, implying a very stern glower through faces conjured in the surface of the clouds and throwing lightning bolts at animals that had it coming.

Sky King was unavailable for comment as at the time of publication he was beckoning winds to move peacefully through cherry blossoms on a suburban street.