Comedy //

I Ate Paul The Psychic Octopus And Now I Can See Time!!!

Jestika Chand ate some calamari in 2010 and we are here.

Transcription of recording:
Hello, if you are listening to this – it must mean I’m dead. My name is Dr Sechenov Pribislav, it is 10:38pm Friday, 19th of March 2016 and today and I have finally cracked it! It all makes sense, the sudden disappearance of our beloved Paul – even the name Paul so beautifully derived from Boy Lornsen’s “Der Tintenfisch Paul Oktopus” brings tears to my eyes – psychic octopus, holy divinist Paul he was! 26th October 2010, the young age of two-and-a-half, our sacred oracle FOUND DEAD. Medical anomaly they called it, but I wasn’t satisfied, the NSA could hide the truths and feed us their lies all they want, but I have connected the last piece of evidence, Mr Kageyasu Fuwa’s diary.

26th January 2008 – hatched from an egg at the Sea Life Centre in Weymouth, England, then moved to a tank at one of the chain’s centres at Oberhausen in Germany
Circa 2009 – Featured in Toshio Maeda’s erotic manga Urotsukidōji
11th July 2010 – correctly predicted game no.11, World Cup Finals Netherlands vs. Spain
Circa late 2010 – Miyazaki Diner receipt abandoned by Kageyasu Fuwa: Wood-grilled octopus with crunchy chorizo, heirloom potato, guajillo salsa and queso añejo;
Circa late 2010 – Mr Fuwa’s hidden diary entry discovered:

Dear Diary,

Tonight, I ate Paul the psychic octopus and during the resulting coma saw feverish visions of a time-space continuum. Whether or not time and space exist independently of the mind, whether they exist independently of one another, what accounts for time’s apparently unidirectional flow, the nature of identity and whether times other than the present moment exist. I’ve delved into a fabric of time-space inception, there is no escape.

Paul has encapsulated and trapped my mind into infinity.

I have become Paul the Psychic Octopus.

His legacy breathes within me.

He is back.

I am Paul.