Comedy //

Relationship Tips From Someone Who’s Never Been In A Relationship

Will Edwards is not lonely. He is NOT. Do you think he is lonely? Because he isn’t.

Photography by Shakira Wilson

1: Communicate Effectively

Communication is key. While I haven’t tested this myself, because I’ve never had someone to test it with, I’m certain that talking honestly and openly with your partner is essential to maintaining a healthy relationship.

None of us can read minds, so if you really want to understand each other you need to share your thoughts and feelings. There’s no way around it. If you can do that, your relationship has a much higher chance of lasting as long as I hope mine will.

2: Make Time For Each Other

I get it, you’re busy. But a relationship doesn’t just take effort during the courting stages, when you went for romantic dinners and cute day trips that people like me can only dream about. It still requires effort now that you’re committed. Even more effort than I put into my fruitless dating app profiles.

You have to find time between your job, studies, and social life to remind your partner why they love you in a way that no one has ever loved me. Try scheduling a weekly date night – or even a whole day each weekend – to keep your passions high.

3: Spice Up Your Sex Life

You’ve been fucking the same way for years now and sure, you still enjoy it, but the prospect doesn’t excite you the same way it used to. So why not change the prospect a little? Try new positions, toys, and kinks to keep each other on your toes.

I mean I’d personally settle for any sex at all, or even just a hug every now and then, please, but you’ve already got more than I have and likely ever will. With demonstrated success like that, you may as well keep aiming higher.