Comedy //

FITNESS1001: How To Stay Healthy During Semester!

Justin Pepito is a very healthy boy.

Justin Pepito is a very healthy boy.

Does the thought of giving up meat boxes make you hysterical? Are you wider than a hamster? If you answered yes to both then follow these health tips!

No Pain, No Gain:

If you’re walking the dog without carpeting the sidewalk with last night’s dinner or swimming without somewhat drowning, then add a little more intensity! High-intensity training keeps your metabolism churning, so try these killer circuits:

Coffee Cart Relays:

Nothing is more extreme than a caffeine-induced arrhythmia and an impending sense of doom, so boost dull library sessions by taking three coffee trips in that one hour you promised yourself to devote undivided attention to your notes. Your marks and your heart rate will soar!

Pre-exam Study Sprints:

This is a potent life-hack! Wait across campus before reading time and sprint to your room while repeating essential notes. You may have missed ten strategic minutes to plan your essay, but your increased blood flow will keep that shaky hand writing for hours on end!

Superfoods Galore:

Agile minds crave nutrition. If you’re going to be pulling late nights and early mornings then grab your blender and whip up this fit, fast and fun recipe: 


Gilgamesh hates this! Whip up an easy blend of lemon water and extracts from the eternal youth plant to keep you calm and confident! You’ll enjoy so many decades of future fun that failing this 85% assessment will be a meaningless blip you’ll fondly poke fun at in the year 3016! 

You’ll need:

1 cup of lemon water

2 tbsp of eternal plant extract

1 baby lamb to sacrifice for the Sumerian fertility goddess, Ishtar