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Revelry in Review: USU election after-party

A snarky listicle your editors wrote while everyone else was dancing

The USU Election came to a dramatic conclusion on Wednesday night, with a healthy mix of objective talent and good preference deals seeing five women elected to the Board. However, perhaps the greatest surprise of the night was the DJ, who appeared to have confused the event with a 2009 school formal. This is essentially just a list of terrible songs and the future leaders of this university/country who drunkenly danced to them. Sue us if you want but, remember, truth is a complete defence xoxo

1. ‘Get Low’ by Lil Jon & the East Side Boys

“Hi, have you voted today? I am running as a progressive candidate. I think the sexual assault statistics from this campus are abhor– ALL THESE BITCHES CRAWL!” Well, this seems consistent. Thank goodness the next song was Crazy In Love, so our candidates could all prove that they are legit, Beyonce-level feminists.

2. The ableist version of ‘Let’s Get Retarded’ by the Black Eyed Peas

Remember when you were nine and you started singing this song with the “r” word around your house and your mum pulled that funny face and physically took your iPod Mini out of your hands to connect it to iTunes and download the still banging (but less offensive) version of the same song, Let’s Get it Started? Let it be known that your student politicians had no problems dancing up a storm to a version of a song even commercial radio thought needed a lyric adjustment.

3. ‘Crank Dat Soulja Boy’ by Soulja Boy

Yes, let us superman all of the hoes.

Honi’s very scientific ranking of candidate campaigns by dancefloor participation*

1. Esther Shim (Shimmy on Board)

2. Courtney Thompson (Count on Courtney)

3. Sam Kwon (Give a Damn, Vote Sam)

4. Grace Franki (Embrace Grace)

5. Vanessa Song (V for Vanessa)

6. James Gibson (No More Games, Just Vote James)

7. Cameron Hawkins (Captain Hawkins)

8. Koko Kong (Can Do Koko)

9. Dom Bondar (Is Dom. Is Good.)

*Based on:

– Number of legs on dancefloor

– How into it they were

– How quickly they fled when the problematic song came on