1. Your sweet baby son’s a-running around the hall with his sockerinos on, what do you say?
(a) Is that an Ice Cream truck I spy with the ears embedded in my eyes? I’ll race ya!
(b) Woah there Mister, where’s the fire? I thought we agreed no running on the fresh linoleum?
(c) You keep runnin’ and I’m liable to get my belt.
2. Wuh-oh! Your bouncing baby boy didn’t make the grade on his Math test, can he still go to camp?
(a) Learning’s a fine thing but sometimes a boy just needs to go out and meet girls. Grab your fishin’ pole and we’ll am-scray to the quarry.
(b) That’s okay mister, we’ll just spend some extra time making up the difference till you make the grade.
(c) Only thing math ever did for me was ensure my selection in the draft.
3. That mean cousin Philip took his hand to your precious progency, what are you going to do, Daddy?
(a) Up and at ’em, Philip. No boy takes his hand against my boy without a reckoning.
(b) Violence isn’t the answer, my son. Now why don’t we go have a chat with Philip and see if we can’t sort what’s what.
(c) You probably deserved it.
Aw shucks, you’re Jeffrey’s Dad. Always hootin’ and hollerin’ and carrying on with the good stuff! Nothing beats Cowboys with Jeffrey’s Papi, except for maybe the tall sarsaparilla glasses of milkshake he serves after we’re done. I wish Jeffrey was my Dad.
You’re Rodney’s Mum. Sure she’s not a Dad like these other Dads but she’s the next best thing, especially with Rodney’s Dad working those long shifts on the oil rig. Rodney learned to shave with a Gilette Venus but Rodney’s Mum can roughhouse with the best of them.
Oh… You’re Michael’s Dad. The other Dads say I’m not allowed to talk to you. Not after what you did.