Comedy //

Honi Soit clickbait, Or: how depraved is our audience?

A sneak peek into the weird searches that get people to the Honi page.

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It’s the end of semester and everyone is busy eating and indulging in some self-reflexivity and introspection. In the meantime, enjoy the fruits of your labour, readers. Here’s some statistical information regarding website traffic thanks to our lovely friends at WordPress.

Nine Weird Searches 

The number on the right counts the instances people have typed that exact phrase into a search engine, and then subsequently clicked on an Honi article. Thank you, readers.

  1. The name of the game

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That’s easy! Apply to be a reporter or illustrator! We look forward to hearing from you – editors@honisoit.com

  1. There are dozens of variations on this search

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They’re ending up at World’s Tallest Man Takes Record for World’s Longest Corpse, so joke’s on them.

  1. An unholy duo:

Screen Shot 2016-06-27 at 2.28.46 pmScreen Shot 2016-06-27 at 2.28.57 pm

  1. Another unlikely pairing (Google to find out why)

Screen Shot 2016-06-27 at 2.29.56 pmScreen Shot 2016-06-27 at 2.30.06 pm

  1. The greatest question of all. It’s incredible that only one person typed this into google:

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If only we knew.

  1. If we were, maybe we would be less hated:

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  1. Not here, try searching at Courtyard

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  1. Our competitor state-run publication:

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9.  Chill out, Dave:

Screen Shot 2016-06-27 at 2.23.31 pm

The thing is, WordPress only picks up a fraction of the search terms [1]. There is a whole void of depraved searches that we will never see. Maybe ignorance is bliss.

Most Searched Past Editors

This is a highly unscientific ranking.[2] Where ARE they now? Please let us know.

  1. Georgia Behrens
  2. Georgia Kriz
  3. Rafi Alam
  4. Mariana Podesta Diviero
  5. Felix Donovan
  6. Bryant Apolonio
  7. Nina Ubaldi
  8. Astha Rajvanshi (also accepted “Astha Rajvanshi articles”)
  9. Lane Sainty
  10. Avani Dias

We asked Georgia for comment on her #1 spot. She said, “hahahahahaha what.”

Fun fact: Mark Wahlberg would have made the list if he had bothered to edit.

Sex for Honi (2014) takes a commanding lead, with Jam (2013) coming in second. Heist hasn’t scraped in – although they’ve had a lot less time to rack up the searches.

Top 5 Most Read Articles

  1. Gillard Cures Cancer in Spare Time, Approval Rating Plummets

When questioned at a press conference as to whether she saw any meaning in this slump, Ms Gillard responded: “Fuck them. Fuck the lot of them. They deserve Abbott, those fucking hyper-critical sheep. I mean seriously, he hasn’t even got a platform to run on; all he’s done is criticise every single fucking move we make and then failed to meet us halfway when we try to actually govern the country for you fuckwits. I give up. Enjoy your dial-up internet and corporate overlords. I’m moving to New Zealand.” Gillard’s press team later issued a correction to this statement, clarifying Ms Gillard had actually meant to say, “No”.

  1. University Student Smashes NASA Record for Fuel Efficiency: “Mars and Back on a Tank of Fuel”

 This is still really cool in 2k16.

  1. Teenagers with goon back in Hyde Park voted most happening venue in Sydney

This went viral in 2016 (despite being written in 2014) when the lockout laws saga was still dragging on. Salient as ever.

  1. USU threatens to deregister the Evangelical Union

Only a threat, after all.

  1. Uni fails sexual harassment victim

May this listicle be another reminder that the internet never forgets.

So that’s a small peek into the gears behind Honi Soit. Keep searching. We’ll be watching.

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[1] I know this because I searched for “Really hot general secretary Max Hall” twelve times to try to get it onto this listicle.

[2] For the same reason as footnote [1]