Last week, sane man Donald Trump announced that his presidential running mate would be Sydney-based Michael Spence.

Spence’s selection gives Trump a running mate with strong ties to a conservative base — particularly out-of-touch Oxonians.

As vice-chancellor of Sydney University , Spence faced major  backlash over his decision to neglect the Rainbow Campus Campagin, a measure that infuriated many students who saw it as anti-LGBTQIA+ move.

Spence told The Cursor “Well I used to be the VC. VC sounds a lot like VP, so I think I will do a very good job as the VP.”

Trump’s decision to run with Spence has not come as a surprise to anyone really.

“I mean they are both white dudes with a talent for using buzzwords.” Melania Trump told The Cursor. “And, don’t ask me how I know this, but I can confirm, anally, that both men have incredibly small penises.”

The Cursor is currently inquiring into how this might explain the ticket’s logo, which is a ‘T’ entering a ‘P’, somewhat anally.  When approached for further comment she added, “Then watch me crank that Robocop, super fresh, now watch me jock. Jocking on them haters man when I do that soulja boy.”