Comedy //

Third presidential debate: Trump wins over crucial ‘pro-child shooting’ demographic

Peter Walsh watched the debate from his crib.

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In a press conference called immediately before nap time, a broad contingent of bullet riddled toddlers announced their support for Donald Trump, who promised to unconditionally defend their right to accidentally self-main with their parents’ firearms.

“The second amendment is unambiguous in its language” said Tyler, 4, from his specially adjusted highchair with extra padding to accommodate the terrible scarring he sustained after accidentally shooting himself in the leg. “Our community will not be used to justify any encroachment on our civil rights.”

The group of scarred, cast-ridden, omni-maladied children further reinforced that their injuries were nobody’s fault and really just something that happens sometimes in a free and independent nation.

Wendy, 3, who has not yet developed object permanence and therefore refuses to concede that her mother’s gun still exists when it’s locked away in an approved storage container, condemned Secretary of State Clinton’s shameless piggybacking on the toddler community.

At press time—*BANG*—Oh God, Poppy I told you to stay out of daddy’s things.