Police are calling for information as to the whereabouts of Sydney University student, Simon Chapman, who was supposed to board a flight for New York but never posed in front of the international departures sign at Sydney Airport. He had been planning to travel to the United States to undertake a highly CV-boosting cadetship with business firm KPMG.
“Taking a photo with the departure sign is just what you do,” said Chapman’s friend, Samantha Harper, who was the first to raise the alarm after twenty minutes had passed with no upload. “It’d be like going to the Grounds of Alexandria, getting an aged cheddar ciabatta toasty, and then not posting a photo to Insta. He hasn’t even made his usual 190 second Snapchat story and it’s really worrying.”
Police Constable Dirk Wayne said they were treating the situation as suspicious. “If you asked me to believe a random student willingly passed up an opportunity to score some online traction, I might eventually come around to the idea. But a Sydney University student doing the same? You’re dreaming.”
That assessment was supported by another of Chapman’s friends, Harry Long. “He’s done more statistical analysis into Facebook prime time than Zuckerberg. When he went overseas last year, he gave our group chat a two day warning so that we would like the photos he posted of himself with Cambodian children.”
Desperate for clues, Chapman’s parents and the police were able to access his iCloud account but only discovered a note containing dozens of prepared photo captions including “Concrete jungle wet dream tomato”, “One wow reaction and I’ll re-enact the orgasm scene from When Harry Met Sally”, and “New Year, New Me, New York City”.