Misc // Sex

Honi Doctor: week 4

Honi's sex positive sex column — not a real doctor.

Honi Doctor Honi Doctor

I’ve been thinking of having anal sex but am scared it’ll hurt too much. What should I know if I want to try it?

Since having anal sex, the use of the phrase “fucked in the ass” to denote suffering makes no sense to me. Because anal sex can be great!

First thing’s first: if you don’t want to have anal sex — don’t! If your partner really wants to but you’re not up for it, they need to respect that.

If you do want to, the person you have it with needs to respect you and place your pleasure as a high priority. Most of the bad anal experiences i’ve heard about have been when someone’s been coerced into it, or the process itself was rushed.

Anal sex takes time and a lot of lube. Lots of lube. When you think you have enough lube, add a bit more. I recommend silicon, as it can be a little thicker.

Make sure that whoever is penetrating spends time fingering or rimming the anus first. Or place a butt plug up there during foreplay if you have one.

Once the anus is lubed up and relaxed, you can start penetrating with the penis or dildo. Go slow to begin with. It can be an odd feeling and take time to adjust.

Finally, communication is crucial. Especially if your partner is penetrating from behind & thus controlling the speed and depth of penetration. Make sure you’re both checking-in throughout to ensure the best anal experience possible.

For some people, it will hurt a little, but as long as you remain relaxed and lubed, it should get better. If it doesn’t, let your partner know & stop. You can try just fingering or abandon the practice altogether!

The infamous ‘Tortoise & the Hare’ tale is actually an analogy for good anal sex; slow, steady & slimy will always win the race (which, if it’s really good, will actually never end!).