What’s on this week at USyd, according to your friend who went to a doof one time

His name's Lucas and he just had a life changing experience

Bush doof guy

2017 Eastern University Games
When: Tuesday July 2 – Friday July 6
Where: Newcastle, NSW

Oh cool. You’re going to the uni games? Isn’t that just like, a big multi day event where you go and get sweaty and intoxicated with a bunch of strangers? I mean, that sounds alright I guess. But you may as well save your money and just come along this weekend to pSYonic dREAMS, a really sick doof up in — oh, what’s a doof? I guess a doof is just a psychedelic festival celebrating human nature, a gathering ground where our ancient collective past meets our digital, hyperconnected future. Doofs are simply the future of our culture, I guess. But yeah, like, go play sport for a week. That could be cool, maybe.

Derryn Hinch Justice League
When: Wednesday April 26, 7pm
Where: Hermann’s Bar
How much: Access $3 | Concession $5 | General $7

Wait, so it’s like a comedy show about Australian politics? Yeah, that makes sense. I guess politics is just one big comedy show, right? I was at HyPERSPACE DIMENSiONS last weekend and we were all sitting in a circle and my new brother SkyBlu put a news broadcast on the radio and we were all just laughing. Because it’s all just a big cosmic joke, right? Then I was saying how like, Canberra is just a big ants’ nest, dude, and instead of a Queen they’re ruled by lies. And get this — instead of building a nest they’re building the big prison that we all live in.

International Tabletop Day 2017 at The Nerd Cave
When: Saturday April 29, midday-11pm
Where: The Nerd Cave, Surry Hills
How much: Free

Oh, this sounds really cool. It’s a thing at this gaming space in Surry Hills where you go and play from their huge library of board games all day. I’ve always said we live our short, insignificant lives as little players going around on a monopoly board. And with the help of, uh, substances, we can like, zoom out. Look at the big picture, if you know what I mean. You can go on a journey and see where this feeble game we call life begins and ends. Actually, you should ditch this nerdfest; come with me this weekend and give it a try.

2017 SUPRA Postgraduate Ball
When: Friday April 28, 6pm
Where: The Refectory, Holme Building
How much: Access $45 | Non-Access $55

A postgraduate ball? Like a formal event organised by the University’s postgrad representative body? Nice. That sounds like fun. I guess doofs are like a postgraduate ball, but instead of graduating from university, we’ve all graduated from monotony, convention and order. We’re all a community of lost souls yearning for connection and community. Definitely buy a pSYonic ticket off me for this weekend if you’re interested. Oh yeah — didn’t I mention to you? I’ve started selling tickets for the event. I don’t think I’ll make anything off it, but it’s just really nice to give back.

Women in Science: Talks #4
When: Wednesday April 26, 4-5pm
Where: New Law Annex Room 428
How much: Free

I’m so happy Women in Science USyd are organizing this! It’s an afternoon of talks by prominent female scientists about their research, with discussion and snacks afterwards. I’m actually super interested in the work scientists do, and I’m completely amazed by how science has changed the world around us. I mean, all the time now I find myself reading these fascinating articles sent to me by my doof family on Facebook about disease and the human body. Hey, want a sweet health tip? Just don’t get vaccinated!