Statistical miracle: all of Mosman dad’s political beliefs personally benefit him

Who would have thought?

wealthy dad

A long term scientific investigation into the politics of Greg Harvey, a business consultant with KPMG, has revealed that every single one of his 129 favoured policies would make him wealthier.

“It’s incredible,” said Head Researcher Miles Acker. “We looked at the economy, the environment, education, and everything in between and without fail his positions aligned with those that benefited him most. The chance of that happening when there is such a wide range of possible stances on every strand of policy is astronomically small.”

The Garter was able to contact Harvey to confirm his statistically astounding views.

“The idea of restricting negative gearing or raising interest rates to prevent a housing bubble is abhorrent,” Harvey said. “It would be financially devastating for families like ours who would be looking down the barrel of higher repayments on half a dozen of our properties.”

Harvey was also opposed to significant climate change action. Despite wanting Australia to stay beautiful for his kids, Harvey said the government “can’t go and throw away the economy.” He used the same justification when commending Turnbull’s proposed $50 Billion corporate tax cut.

Incredibly, The Garter later discovered Harvey has nearly $100,000 worth of shares in fossil fuel companies such as Exxonmobil and that his employer, KPMG, would benefit enormously from reduced company taxes. Some have suggested that if those two companies do well, it is possible that Harvey would also see some personal benefits.

Harvey is also supportive of reducing weekend rates for casual workers.

“The weekend is the only time I get off,” he said. “It shouldn’t cost me an arm and a leg just to go out for dinner on a Sunday night with Nicole and the kids.”

Harvey’s son, Bentley, is in year 12 at St Ignatius’ College Riverview, so Acker and the other researchers were certain he would be opposed to uni fee increases. Their hypothesis turned out to be incorrect.

When it was suggested that his views could potentially be a carefully put together worldview constructed in order to benefit people in his position and protect their wealth, Harvey responded with stark denial.

“What? Really? No way. My opinions are the result of decades of intelligent thought. The idea you think I just feel this way because I’m rich… pull your head out of your arse.”