Comedy //

Anti-fascists worry end of global warmongering would result in lack of army surplus clothes for their aesthetic

Anti-fascists are increasingly concerned.

Peace in our time and the complete cessation of worldwide conflict would have unforeseen consequences for local anti-fascist activists, who have reservations about the dismantling of the fascist military-industrial complex.

Global armistice and harmony would inevitably result in the dissolution of national armies and evaporation of the need for military equipment. The concern for many freedom fighters is that eventually even army surplus stores would run out of cheap military-style clothing.

“If there were no such thing as military surplus, how could I find cheap combat boots?” asked one black flag protester who declined to be named. “My entire wardrobe revolves around cargo pants and balaclavas. Without war, I’m afraid my look will be ruined.”

Another protester, Ember Paul, said “The only option is to continue fighting against fascism and oppression but to make sure we don’t completely eradicate it and ruin our ability to flex with threads.”

Paul said that this desire to hold back was the reason that fascism still existed, rather than its entrenched and universal grip on nearly every powerful institution around the world.

On the other side of the political spectrum, ultra-nationalists around the globe are similarly worried that world peace and the dismantling of nation-states would remove any need for national flags, leading to an unforeseen shortage of capes.

In a rare case of mutual understanding, many anti-fascists have welcomed the far right’s pledge to ensure global war continues.