The bodies of three university students aged 20, 23 and 24 were discovered in a neglected Glebe home on Monday afternoon.
“Get out of our inner city home,” one of the bodies said, “we are not dead, and stop calling our home neglected. It’s weird enough that you keep referring to us as ‘bodies’. We’re people. My name’s Jeff. That’s Danny over there.”
Local residents described the housemates as “warm” and “easy going”.
“They were pretty reserved, but always down for a chat if you bumped into them,” one neighbour described.
“I just can’t believe they’re dead,” the neighbour continued, “they were just so – hang on! That’s her over there!”
Police have not yet ruled out the possibility that foul play was involved. Investigators also haven’t responded to reports of a gun found at the scene, but this is likely due to no-one reporting a gun found at the scene, and the fact that there are no investigators.
When reached for comment, NSW Police Commissioner Michael Fuller said “you again? No, no, no! For the last time, we can’t perform autopsies on living people! How do you keep getting into my office?”
However, this discovery forms part of a larger, growing trend. Bodies have been found in homes all over the Greater Sydney region, and 8 times so far in this dishevelled Glebe home.
“Go away!” one of the bodies found on Monday commented, “we’re very much alive, and for the last time, our home wouldn’t be ‘dishevelled’ if you reporters would stop climbing in through our garden. Hey, come back here!”
Further information will be released if any of these people actually die.